The healing is just beginning.

We did a thing this past month. My husband was offered a job. We sold our house in two days. We loaded a U-Haul trailer and moved to the beach. Over the past year, we both felt the overwhelming call to be there. So, we leapt at the opportunity. Jumped at our dream. Fears set aside for adventure.

We gave up 2100 sqft house for 800 sqft condo.

We gave up 90% of our belongings for 10%.

We gave up security for passion.

We gained a life of simplicity.

We gained a new view of what is important.

We gained time together.

We have been at the gulf coast for almost two weeks now. The majority of stuff is unpacked. My daughter has started kindergarten which was a whole new set of emotions. We are starting to create a new routine and are excited to start this new adventure. The craziness of moving has paused my longer distance running. The weeks leading up to the move I was really doing well. I was consistently running 20+ miles a week. I had a new distance personal record. My husband and I ran 15 miles at Oak Mountain State Park. I was scheduled to do the 18 mile trail run this weekend but with moving I had to defer. I have noticed my body takes longer to recover. I can push as hard as I did before but my muscles and joints need and extra day or two to feel ok again. So these few weeks of rest are good. I am excited to get back to running again and add some more beach runs into my schedule!

Moving to the beach was our dream, but letting go of my belongings, home, and monetary security was extremely difficult. In the past few weeks, I have had more anxiety than ever. I realized crowds and new environments created panic that I never had before my diagnosis and the pandemic. I had to leave my cancer care team to go somewhere new and much smaller. There was fear in the unknown. Doubt of choosing happiness over comfort. I felt shame in being so wasteful in acquiring and now getting rid of so many belongings. Greed and fear snuck in and fought with dreams of simplicity and contentment. I realized that living this new life was not as easy as unpacking a few boxes and going for runs on the beach. Creating this goal of peace was going to take effort and that realization was overwhelming.

Running has helped me to feel strong again. Helping others has brought me joy. Running and cancer has shown me I have grit but constantly pushing through is starting to catch up. I will never forget how I felt driving home from finding out I may have less than 5 years to live and deciding to live life to its fullest. But, choosing to live each day like it could be your last is not realistic. It creates panic and irrational fears resulting in greed and feeling overwhelmed. There needs to be balance. I need to remind myself of my “why” and to really see what is important to me in my life and chase after those moments. To be free of most of our debt, clutter, my sickness and start a new life has opened my eyes. The healing is just beginning.