Committing to a better self is hard.

October 5, 2020

The type of chemo I receive requires me to ice my hands and feet in order to prevent neuropathy. The first day they just put bags of ice and my hands and I could tell it just wasn’t cold enough. I read on a support group that someone used ice water and never got neuropathy. It was definitely worth a try. But, oh boy, does it hurt. I found 10 seconds in and 20 seconds out for 30 mins was the ratio that worked for me. I can do anything for 10 seconds.

My hands in ice water to prevent neuropathy.

Ok, I’ve taken that first step. Now what? Am I thinking about yesterday or excited for what’s waiting for me today? Committing to a better self is hard. That 5K was HARD. It was one of the most miserable runs of my life, but you know what? I put my head down and finished it. My mind is my weakness not my body. My body is not in the shape it once was. It will take time for it to get back to where it was. I probably pushed it too hard, but it was me vs. that number and letter, “Five K.”

I wrote about goals last week. Did you make one? Did you find out what someone else’s was? Now that I have a goal, what’s next? I’m not going to lie, it will get rough. That’s why I have the goal, though, to remind me while I am doing the hard things to keep going. 

I’m going to share a secret. I want to quit and give up all the time. That doesn’t make me any less deserving of finishing though. Here is a look into my head on that last run.

First ½ mile. “Oh ya! This feels great. Awesome playlist. Sun is shining.”

1/2 mile in. “Oh crap. I shouldn’t have started that fast. Ok slow down a bit. You got this. My heart is beating really fast right now.”

1 mile. “This sucks. Why on earth did I say I was going to go to 3.1 miles. Is that a cramp I feel?”

2 miles in. “I hate running. My legs are so heavy. I could just stop. I don’t have to go any farther. I can’t stop. Count to ten. Then you can stop. 8…9…10. I bet you could make it to that next stop sign.”

2 ½ miles. “I. HURT. SO. BAD. Come on only a little over a half mile left. I bet Tia-Toomy or Sam Briggs don’t argue with themselves in their heads. They didn’t just go through Chemo either. Oh girl, put the ‘C’ card away.” 

3 miles. “I’m so close. I think if I walked I might go faster. My legs are so heavy. Keep moving. Keep moving.

3.1 miles. “That was awful. Oh, my legs are wobbly. Almost home.” 

Half a block later. “You did it! You are awesome! I can’t wait to text Matt. Maybe this weekend I can do 5.”

Stepping out there you will find your weakness. Knowing them will be your advantage. Overcoming them will be your victory.

Today I am grateful for knowing my weakness. I am thankful to be able to work out again. Today, I will let my body recover and rest. 

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