When I am running it’s me against myself. I want to push to do more than I think I can. Setting small goals and then completing them has been a strategy for me that has worked. But lately, it has been either all in or nothing. There hasn’t been a consistency in my daily routine. I want to push more on the runs but my body is still weak. I don’t have the drive to get out in our garage to do the daily workouts. I just expect to set out on the weekend for a run and it be amazing. It’s not fair to my body to say we are having ice cream and beer today and then the next push it hard and expect amazing results.
We went camping Saturday night before Thanksgiving. We had a fun time eating campfire nachos, drinking beer and toasting marshmallows. Sunday morning I woke up and went for a run. I went four miles. It felt good but what if I ate well, was well hydrated and did my exercises all week. How much better would my body have performed?
My mood is a direct reflection of my results. Yes, I’m giving myself grace from treatments and recovery but in reality, I’m just lazy. There are days when I feel good and I can definitely go do something but my excuse is I know I won’t feel good tomorrow, so what’s the point? Treatment makes me feel crappy for days. That week is just recovering but I feel like I have lost everything I worked hard for the week before. I need to remind myself, it’s not a give and take. I need to think of it as a big piggy bank. If for 30 days I deposit a workout, I will have so much more than not depositing anything all month. I need to realize anything I put in there is accumulating towards my goal and rest days do not subtract from the account.
I need to find a balance of still enjoying life and all its treats but care for my body as well. Over the last two years I have asked a lot of my body. Many surgeries and treatments have taken a toll. I have also learned to appreciate each day like its my last. I will not let my mind temporarily give up and over indulge because, “I’m dying anyways” and regret my choices in the morning. Instead I will focus and remind myself of the goals I have set and the victories I have already accomplished and reward myself in moderation.
Today I will take better care of my body. I will give myself grace on rest days and work hard on days I feel well. Today I will celebrate the victories.